As mentioned by a commenter below, doc said it is Vulvar Varicose Veins. Nothing to be done that I'm not already doing. Parents coming to visit for 3 days and not interested in mentioning it to them, but when I start walking like I have a grapefruit between my legs at about 7 pm, I think they might catch on that something isn't right, ya know? Cried most of the drive home and for about 25 minutes after I got back, which only made my head hurt. Last night it was so bad at 4AM that I actually got out a tube of Colin's old teething gel. I know it makes things swell, but it also makes them numb, so at least I could get back to sleep.
Doc said to watch salt, which I'm already trying to do. Also said to stay hydrated - when I told him I was drinking three bottles of wine water a day he said I needed to be drinking three in the morning and three in the afternoon...which means more peeing of course, which leads to more walking, which leads to more chaffing, which leads to more swelling - ugh. He also said to try these. Real beauties, no?
Thanks for listening to me just bitch and bitch and bitch.