We did go back for the 'parents only' hospital tour on Sunday, but beforehand I had a chance to tell the nurses leading the tour a smidgen about our history and what had happened the day before. I thought things were fine, but then as I stepped into a very frigid labor/delivery suite it suddenly looked like heat waves were coming up from the floor - everything was wiggling, so I backed out of there fast. I stood just outside the door of the suites for the rest of the tour with my back turned away so I couldn't see in, but I could still hear the information.
I also had a good talk with my husband Saturday night about what all had happened and how I was feeling. He doesn't get it at all really, but he tries to be as supportive as he can be in his way. It felt good to get it out, and to kind of share the burden with the other person who will be there with me at the time this baby is delivered.
I took another big step too: I talked to the doctor about PPD and what happened this weekend at my appointment today. As for PPD, he said there's about a 50/50 chance I'll get it again, and what he usually does is prescribe drugs from the moment the baby is born, just to head it off. He also said that my reaction this weekend was understandable, that Adam's birth was probably the single most emotional event of my life and it only makes sense for any other major emotional event (like the birth of a new baby, in very similar surroundings) to intersect with that. He said its normal, and really is a sign of mental health, that everything in my brain is connecting an clicking along like it should be. He also said the hospital has social workers and whatnot available if I'm having issues while I'm there.
So, I did some good JDE housekeeping today, and I'm feeling okay about stuff, at least for the moment. And Lala, I think you were right on your comment on my last post, it probably is PTSD, and if I thought there was any chance I'd ever be pregnant again, I'd look into dealing with it. But, since I don't plan to ever be in this position again, I'm just going to get through this bout and move on.